


ghosts arent real

by angelheartbeat



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghost Hunters, Based On Buzzfeed Unsolved, Ghost Hunters, M/M, Pre-Canon, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, a lil bit sjkfjg, canon typical evrything ig, tags will update as th story does!, u kno it babey! im doin all th tropes!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 17:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16727880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelheartbeat/pseuds/angelheartbeat
Summary: With a cheap video camera, a beat up car, their wits about them and nothing better to do, two white trash losers from Philly set out to find ghosts. Or try to, at least.





	ghosts arent real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont expect this to be like. good or anythin
> 
> ive never proofread anything in my entire life and im not about to start now

Mac was one day away from turning 24, bored and broke and still living with his mom, when Charlie bust into his room with a shit-eating grin and a video camera that looked like he'd pulled it from the trash. He probably had.

"I've had a brilliant idea," Charlie announced. Mac rolled his eyes, sitting up on his bed.

"I doubt that, Charlie."

"No, no, seriously, listen. So I found this at the dump, right?" Ah, so he actually had.

"Any idea that starts with the dump is guaranteed to be a shitty one."

"Look, I'm not gonna let you be a part of this if you're just gonna shit all over me, man."

"I'm fine with that."

They stared at each other for a minute, before Charlie sniffed, pulled his sleeve across his nose and kept talking. "Ok, so, I was thinkin' we get a car from one of those junkyard places, fix it up, and then we go driving around and look for y'know like ghouls and goblins and stuff, and we film it and it gets made into a TV show and we get paid to find ghosts!"

Mac continued to stare at him. "Charlie, that is the singular worst idea I've ever heard."

"No it isn't!"

"For one thing, dude, lets just get this out of the way - ghosts aren't real."

"Yeah they-"

"Plus, you've never left Philly. How you gonna deal with that, bro? Assuming that you aren't just gonna look for ghosts in Philly, because that would make a shitty TV show. What would they even call it, Its Always Haunted in Philadelphia?"

"I-"

"Also, we're broke. How are we gonna get a car?"

"Thats why I said junkyard-"

"Nah, bro. Its a stupid idea. I've got more better things to do."

Mac laid back down and continued to flick through the borderline porn magazine he still kept hidden under his bed like he was thirteen. It was hardly like his mom would get out of her chair at all, let alone go to his room and rifle around in his stuff. Charlie looked at him skeptically.

"Sure ya do, buddy."

"Whats that meant to mean?" Mac demanded, sitting right back up again. "I have tons of shit to do! I have better things to do than you do!"

Charlie smiled and nodded. Whether it was meant to be as patronising as it looked was a mystery (it was). "Alright, yeah, I don't doubt that. Hunt ghosts with me?"

Mac grumbled, setting down his magazine. "Alright, yeah, fine, whatever. If only to get you to shut up about it."

"Yes! You won't regret this, man, I promise you."

* * *

Mac was already starting to regret it by the time they exited the junkyard with the biggest piece of shit car in the world, and with his bank account looking even more pitiful than it had beforehand. On the other hand, Charlie was giddy with glee.

When they'd strolled up to the guy sitting drinking something or other from an opaque bottle and told him they wanted to buy one of the terrible cars he was otherwise going to scrap, he surprisingly didn't seem to care that much. Either this was a common occurrence in Philly, or he just had some sort of built up tolerance to bullshit. In any case, he'd waved a hand and told them to take their pick, and sold it to them for a fair(ish) price. In all honesty, Mac was kind of impressed by how easy it actually was to buy a car. 

"For the record, this is the worst birthday gift you've ever gotten me," complained Mac as he climbed into the drivers seat, praying to God that the gasoline Charlie had insisted wasn't booze actually wasn't. Maybe he should have sniffed it, just to check. But the engine sputtered to life just fine, and the fuel gauge was at the ½ mark, so that was good enough. "You didn't even buy it, for one thing."

"Shut up, man, its great," Charlie replied, already putting his feet up on the dashboard. Frowning, Mac batted them away as they set off, heading back to his house.

"Get those off my car! I dunno what kinda shit you have on those sneakers, and I don't want it on my car, even if it is shitty anyway."

"Whoa, whoa. Who says this is your car?"

"Uhh, my bank balance, bro."

"Thats just an investment, dude. This baby will pay for herself. She's ours."

"You don't know what an investment is, Charlie. This thing will eat money, plus its mine, end of."

They stopped for a red light, and Mac turned to glare at Charlie. "How are we planning to pay for your little ghost hunting idea, anyway? I'm assuming its gonna cost a shit ton, and God knows I don't have shit anymore."

Charlie grinned, reaching into his pocket and retrieving a rubber-banded wad of notes. Mac's eyes went wide.

"Holy  _shit,_ bro! Did you rob a Wawa or something?"

"Nah, dude! I stole it from my mom. She won't even notice, and if she does then I'll just say I needed it for some shit and she'll be fine."

"Why the fuck did I pay for this crappy car, then?" 

"You didn't bother to ask if I had money."

"Thats because you never do!"

"Neither do you!"

" _Then why'd you let me pay for the fucking car?_ "

During their squabble, the light had turned green, and the cars behind them had started to honk impatiently. Mac rolled his eyes and gripped the wheel again, stomping on the gas pedal hard enough to jolt them both back and make the car groan in protest. Mac would be lying if he wasn't also impressed by how well a junkyard car was actually running. Maybe Charlie's ferreting in the dump was actually worthwhile.

"Alright, so where are you planning for us to go anyway, dude?" Mac asked.

"Dunno. Figured we'd maybe do some research and then just drive around for a couple days to-"

"Wait, days? Bro, how long are you saying we're leaving for?"

"Couple months?"

"Mon- _dude_! You tell me this  _now?_ I thought this was a one-day scheme?"

"If it was for one day, I wouldn't have made the investment in the car!"

" _You didn't do that anyway!_ "

Charlie rolled his eyes. "Trust me, bro, okay? It'll be worth it. What were you gonna do for the next couple months anyway?"

Mac scowled at the road in front of him, gripping the wheel with unnecessary force. "I hate you, Charlie."

"Thats what I thought, bitch."

They drove in silence the rest of the way to Mac's house, until eventually they were parked outside and Mac folded his arms in typical Mac-like rage.

"Go pack a bag," Charlie said, fiddling with his camcorder and squinting through it. "And hurry it up. I wanna go as soon as possible." He made a shooing motion with the hand not holding the camera, turning as if to film Mac at the same time. The latter was glaring at him.

"Why'd I let you talk me into this, Charlie," Mac grumbled, but he knew he didn't exactly have plans, or a job, or any commitments beside taking care of his mom. "I'll be back in like ten minutes. And then I'm gonna kill you."

Charlie just repeated the shooing motion, and Mac rolled his eyes as he climbed out the car. Now, how to break his sudden absence to his mom? She'd undoubtedly be heartbroken.

The smell of cigarette smoke punched him in the face as he entered, but that was standard. It barely even bothered him anymore. His mom was sat in her chair as always, watching something on TV and smoking. That was also standard.

"Hey mom!" he said cheerily, leaning down to kiss her head. She swatted at him grumpily, but he ignored it. She was just playing. "Okay, so, uh... Charlie's had an idea, and it involves me leaving for a little while. A month or so. I know its sudden, I was pretty surprised too, but y'know, its Charlie."

"I don't care," Mrs Mac grunted.

"Aw, mom. Will you be alright without me?"

She grunted again, wordlessly this time.

"That's good! I'm glad. I hope you didn't have anything too special planned for my birthday tomorrow, though!"

His mom took a drag of her cigarette. "Nah."

Mac chuckled. "You can just do it when I get back. I won't mind waiting."

Not receiving a grunt back tipped Mac off that the conversation was apparently over, so he just pushed his mom's ashtray closer to her and took the stairs two at a time to throw together a suitcase. No longer having to be cheery for his moms sake, because where would she be without her sons smile, he returned to grumbling under his breath about Charlie.

He could hardly deny that Charlie was right, Mac didn't exactly have immediate plans, but the thing about Mac was that he could deny just about anything given a few minutes and a single shred of evidence. As such, he was telling himself that  _yes,_ he had plans beyond lying on his bed drinking, going out drinking, getting high, waiting for Dennis to finish college, hanging out with Charlie and jacking off. But he guessed he could do most of those while driving around the country for a couple months. Sure, maybe some of them weren't "legal" while driving, but who gave a shit about the law? Nerds, thats who. 

After barely paying attention to what he was shoving in his backpack, the only bag he seemed to actually own, he supposed he was ready to go. What did people take on a dumb scheme with their best friend, anyway? Underwear? A gun? Some weed? Well, he had two out of three of those things, so that felt prepared enough. Maybe he should buy a gun.

Hopping back down the stairs, Mac grabbed his keys, kissed his mom again (who ignored his goodbye), and jogged on out to the car, where Charlie was clearly getting impatient.

"Dude, what took you so long?" he asked as Mac tossed his bag into the backseat and jumped back into the drivers seat.  

"Mom wanted to talk to me."

"Your mom hasn't talked to you in like twenty years, bro."

"Man, you better have a fucking amazing present for me tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah. Like you've ever remembered my birthday."

"I always remember, bro!"

This familiar style of bickering continued all the way to Charlie's house, at which Mac whistled and jabbed his thumb at the front door. "Go pack, bro."

Charlie looked at him like he'd said something intensely stupid. "What?"

"Go pack!"

"Dude, I am packed."

Mac gave him a Look. "Where's your shit?"

Gesturing to his body, Charlie continued to frown like Mac was the dumb one. "Right here, man."

"I'm not driving you around if you're only gonna wear one outfit the entire damn time."

"Don't be so uptight, bro! It's called conserving space!"

" _For what?_ "

" _Ghosts!_ "

At that, Mac had to physically restrain himself from reaching out and throttling Charlie, choosing instead to massage his temples and slam his head against the steering wheel of the car. A series of honks rang out as he hit the car horn. 

"Jesus Christ, you're dumb," he said as he emerged from the rage cocoon he formed so as to not kill Charlie, flipping off a passerby giving him a dirty look. "So you're not bringing anything else? Toothpaste? Underwear?"

"Nah, bro."

"Jesus Christ. Actually, you know what? I'm not even surprised."

"Alright, man."

Mac grumbled as he put the car back into first gear and it groaned off again, complaining all the way. Angry as Charlie was making him, and try as he might to hate the upcoming trip, Mac had to admit he was kind of excited at the prospect of actually doing something for once.

Shame it had to involve ghosts, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're thinkin mac agreed to it awfully quickly im just gonna say hes a pokemon protagonist bc those fucks agree to go on adventures in 5 seconds flat plus theyre 11 and their mums dont give a shit and neither do i so. make of that what u will
> 
> is this just an excuse to write a road trip au again plus ghost hunting (2 of my fav things) w absolutely cliche tropey scenes? mind ur business
> 
> i promise theyll b in lov eventually but tbh. not much will change
> 
> aaaaaah. leave comments to stroke whats left of my ego


End file.
